The police said it best " so lonely..."

I'm sans-internet still at my new apartment, but thanks to the
blackberry I can still make blog posts and such. I just got in from a
bikeride around the city. I stopped at prospect park for the first
time in the 12 years I've lived in providence. It overlooks the city
in a way where it makes providence seem way larger, and way more
beautiful than given credit for. I guess I had a rather intimate
moment with the city tonight.
I rode downtown, remembering the days I first moved here, looking for
the Met Cafe, so I could see bloodlet and neurosis play. That was the
very first show I ever went to in providence, by the way.

I rode back up college hill, giving it my all on my new single speed
road bike, that is absolutely awesome, and I coasted back down hope
street, doing a big "s" shaped pattern down the empty street.

I can't wait for spring so I can really just get rid of the car and go
strictly bike. Its a bummer I finally got a bike at this time of year.

Now I'm back in my 1/2 way finished apartment. Mattress on the floor,
because I have yet to go to ikea, a few episodes of Wings playing on a
playlist on my computer, and the fan slowly spinning above me.

Hopefully the words that come out of my mouth lately about how " I
want to make the right decisions and not be sad and miserable" and " I
want to feel like I'm living and not just going through the motions of
the idea of life", I hope those words will come to fruition and not
just be words to hide the uncertainty and doubt I have of my life and
the decisions I've made the past year. Yep. I'm still hung up on my
decisions. We all want to be happy in life. I just take it to the
extreme I guess. if I were a superhero, I'd be " Super Sensitive
Man."

--
Rich Gaccione.

http://richgaccione.com

New Apartment. Again. Also, another new bike!!

i officially live in providence again as of today. I got a very nice place,with all remodeled kitchen ( new stove, cabinets, fridge and sink), remodeled bathroom ( new sink, toilet and shower), in a very nice neighborhood ( the east side of providence, right in Wayland Square) all to myself. Its in a huge old victorian building with a few other tenants who are all nice and normal. The maintenance guy also is super awesome and he hooked me up with 3 sweet pieces of furniture that i needed for free. There is a whole foods a 1 minute walk around the corner. There is a Starbucks a 30 second walk up the street. There is a CVS, a bank, a few cafes and coffeeshops, small bookstores and antique shops...all around a totally sick area.
i figure if im back to living somewhere, i got to live somewhere that im going to feel at home and comfortable. So, i dont have ANY furniture except a dresser, a couple nightstands and a futon frame, no mattress. Most of the stuff i have is what i left in marks basement before i left to live in LA last year. Now its just me, and some stuff, tryin to make some sense of my future. I figure this is a good place to start.

KITCHEN



KITCHEN



LIVING ROOM





LIVING ROOM



FRONT DOOR FROM LOBBY




BATHROOM



BEDROOM



BEDROOM



ENTRY WAY



KITCHEN





I also got a new bike, thanks to my mom. I got this yesterday and rode around like crazy last night. My mom hooked me up and i cant thank her enough. Ive wanted a sweet bike to get around providence for a long time. Now i have one!

Soul Control LIMITED EDITION SHIRT!!!

To celebrate the release of the Soul Control 4 volume singles series 7" project, this shirt has been designed for the occasion, and to also just make it known that Black Sabbath is the best fucking band to ever have existed.

It will only be available until the pre-order time frame is over, ONLY AVAILABLE THROUGH DEAD BUT DREAMING AND THE WEBSTORE, so order this along with your pre-order vinyl to make sure you snag one! There will not be alot of these, so make sure you dont pass it up.

PRE ORDERS WILL START AROUND OCTOBER FIRST OR SO.

YOU MUST ORDER AT LEAST ONE VERSION OF THE VINYL RELEASE TO ORDER THIS SHIRT. These are going to be on a first come first serve basis.

peep it.

I Cant Sleep.

i hate when i cant sleep.

i havent gotten a normal nights sleep, in literally months. The last month of sleeping in a moving bus was a joke. Show ended at about 1am, bus didnt leave till 5am usually, and as soon as the bus started moving, id lay there awake, cursing at the top of my bunk, wishing i could fall asleep.

tonight is different. its the movement of my thought patterns in my head.

ive got a new beginning coming. Im moving back to providence. again.
the past 2 years have just been me traveling around the country and world, sometimes being somewhere for a day, or living somewhere for near 8 months, but still not feeling settled.

ive got a knot in my stomach because i dont want to screw this one up.

ive got to patch up the things that ive broken, and strive for new goals and become a happy and successful (to MYSELF) person. Im setting goals this time and making myself achieve them. No more games. Im 30 years old, and have next to nothing in material objects. I have close friends and family. That i am thankful. i just want to have that
"something" that each individual person strives for, to make themselves feel complete.

I want to take this chance also, to give an honest and heartfelt "im sorry" to anyone out there in internetland who has ever been hurt by any of my actions, in person, or in text. i apologize a lot. one time i had a conversation with someone i was close with and it went something like this:

friend- oh man, i had a terrible day, i just want to relax.

me- oh, im sorry!

friend- you dont have to be sorry, you didnt do anything.

me- oh i know, i just...

friend- you know, you apologize too much.

me-...im sorry.

so whatever that says about me i dont know.


ive noticed something.
its always around 4am when i start making these kind of entries, so im going to try and sleep. I have alot to strive for starting tomorrow.

Soul Control 7 Inch Update/Progress.

The artwork is done. The Music is mastered. The Order will be placed for the Vinyl VERY SOON, depending on which pressing plant can get me colored vinyl. In which case the PRE-ORDER process will start By October 1st give or take a few days.

I also created a MySpace page for the Record Label portion of the Dead But Dreaming collective. Please add it to keep up with the music side of my endeavors. Thanks.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT/ADD THE DBD RECORDS MYSPACE PLEASE!

Vegan "Steak", "Bacon" and Pepper Pies!!

So, i finally am home and have been dying to cook some food. A month of being on a bus with microwaveable boca burgers and peanut butter and jelly every day has got me going crazy.

i was flipping through my moms Womans Day magazine yesterday when i was in the bathroom, and in the food section, there was a recipe for these Sausage and Pepper pies. I looked at the recipe and it could easily be converted to a vegan treat, so i was gung-ho to try it. Basically, they can be considered Calzones, but whatever you call them they are awesome.

i already had some Smart Steak strips and Smart bacon, so i figured id go with those as the filler.

here is the recipe as modified by me, and the pictures follow!
This was the first time i dealt with real pizza dough, so it was a little awkward, but it came out awesome anyway!

VEGAN STEAK AND BACON PIES

1 package of smart strips steak style strips.
1/2 package smart strips Bacon style strips
1 hunk of pizza dough- i used a piece directly from the pizza place next to the supermarket.
1 green pepper
1 red pepper
1 red onion
3 cloves of garlic
olive oil
1 tbs salt
1 tbs pepper
1 tbs basil
1 tbs oregano


cut and chop peppers and onion to smaller pieces.
chop garlic and chop into small fine pieces
chop steak strips and bacon into smaller pieces

roll dough on floured surface to be large enough to cut 4 5 inch x 5 inch pieces

heat oven to 425 degrees
oil 2 baking sheets

heat saucepan large enough for all ingredients to a medium heat

cook steak and bacon pieces for approx 3 mins
add all other vegetables,spices and garlic, cooking for another 3 minutes, stirring continuously, as to not burn and equally cook all items.

remove from heat.

place enough of the veggie mix into one side of the dough,
pull over the other side of the dough, and pinch closed all the sides, to contain all the ingredients inside.

place 2 per baking sheet

cook at 425 degrees for 15 minutes.

remove from oven, let cool and serve with marinara sauce for dipping!

Side note.
You can add cheese if you want to these, just add in the step when you are scooping the mixture into the raw dough.

Its over kids.

Reggie and the Full Effect final show happened last night at the TLA in Philadelphia.

It was amazing and anyone who was a part of it, i thank you.

i will do a bigger update in a the next couple days. I got home at 6am and my head hurts.

till then...

Me, summed up in one picture.

Just look at this picture.
Pretty much defines me and what makes me tick.
Thats all. I was bored.

Lancaster PA is a hole.

Sometimes, New Jersey.

Quick update. Nothing serious to report.

i have a cold. i was trying so hard to avoid the bus cold that was going around, but, oh well, i got it. Fudge.

Today we played the starland ballroom in New Jersey. Leathermouth had a nice hometown show. Reggie had a nice show as well. But, as reported in my last entry, my equipment is slowly fading, so all i could hear, was how shitty it sounded. oh well.

There were a row of awesome young girls pressed up to the front row during our set who were awesome. They waited by the bus after the show ( i assume to meet frank ) but as i went to the bus, they called out for me and told me how much fun they had and how awesome it was. I was wearing a Nirvana shirt tonight, and one of the girls told me her mom wouldn't let her listen to Nirvana because Kurt killed himself. She listens anyway. I gave her a big high five.

This is them. The girl giving " heart hands" is the Nirvana story girl:


I saw Mike Dubin...



...and poodle...



Lancaster show with The Sleeping tomorrow.

Here are some pictures.

The ones of Reggie & The Full Effect were taken by Eddie from Leathermouth.

Are we killing time? Or are we killing each other?

Things are winding down. There are 3 more shows then Rich becomes normal, boring and stressed out again. In Fact im already starting to get depressed about tour being over and having to be lonely and bored again.
But, i'll focus on the present. Today we played Towson, Maryland and it was a good show. Well, i didnt have a good show, all i could focus on was the fact that my amp needs new power tubes and i could tell it sounded like ass, and also, the "A" string on my guitar started giving me problems staying in tune with the rest of the guitar when i changed the strings today, so on top of hearing how shitty the amp sounded, whenever i played anything above the 7th fret on the A string, it would be out of tune JUST enough for me to notice and bum me out. But, the crowd didnt seem to mind, so i guess thats all that matters.

Yesterday we were back in New York, on long island for the day, and my Mom and Sisters came to the show. It was the first time in about 10 years my mom has seen me play music. It was really nice to have my family come out and support me. Even my 2 younger sisters who i dont spend enough time with ever, stayed through the whole show and seemed to have had a good time. The show itself, again, was lackluster, as i put it. Not alot of people, a REALLY bad sound setup for the stage and just a huge venue, for a small show. It felt way too distant. I hate barriers and high stages. Its the hardcore kid in me.

Now Boston. WOW. we played Boston on tuesday night. HOLY SHIT. Best show of tour. We didnt want the night to end. The downstairs at the Middle East club has been a place that ive seen many many of my favorite bands perform in front of sold out crowds. Well, this time the tables were turned and we had the best show of tour. All the elements were there; Sold out, amazing sound, no barrier, small stage, MOST of my best friends watching and hanging out and a great staff helping us all day. That show will be a great memory for me. Thanks friends and the boston crowd. Kudos.

When someone you care about a great deal doesnt talk to you for 5 or 6 days, after leaving you in an open ended text message conversation ( meaning i was the last to send a message and never got a reply from it), and then just sends you a message 5 days later " How are you doing?"... do you...

A) reply with an honest response as to how you are and make no mention that its been about 5 days since you last talked.

B) reply with a sarcastic and obviously annoyed response kinda like " oh, you're alive?"

C) not reply at all and in about 5 days send a text like " hey how are you doing, sorry i got super busy for 5 day straight and had not one minute to say hello and have a quick conversation via text message.

i'm weighing strongly for a mix of C and A but who knows. I think its a lost cause at this point.



Ive been listening to alot of Shift lately. I strongly suggest you get the CD "Spacesuit" and listen. Dont just put it on in the background... LISTEN to it.
Also, for my "emo alone at night time" ive been listening to Anthony Green. His voice is so good and lyrics that just make me...blah.

Today i did something i never really care to do, and that is buy records. Not CD's, but VINYL records. There was this small indy record store right across from the venue here today and it was being run by this cool hardcore dude. I wound up buying:

Morrissey 2xLP Greatest Hits
Nirvana- Bleach
Nothings Quiet On The Eastern Front- East coast hardcore/powerviolence comp.
Ebillution Records XXX Comp.
HeartattaCk Zine comp #10, has a song by the band Jihad on it. I lost my Jihad vinyl in college at some point and havent been able to find anything by them so this was a sweet find, only if it is one song. There are a bunch of other mid 90's bands on it as well.

I was bummed cuz our tour manager found Overcast's " Expectational Dilution " 12" before i did.

I now have a new desire to buy records.



Mc Chris is seriously one of the best dudes. Dont tell him, but i may have a small dude-bro crush on him.


Leathermouth is a great band. You should really get into them.

Warship seriously deserves attention as well. Get their debut cd when it comes out on vagrant records in november. They are so good.

Tonight i recorded Mc, Leathermouth and Warship from the soundboard tonight. the recordings came out good, Mc Chris' wins the gold medal though. Im gonna throw it up online at some point. I back Mc's DIY attitude. All the music is free, just pay for the packaging. He was stoked when i told him i was gonna record him, so we could put a treat up on the interwebs for people to listen to his live show. So, keep a look out for that.


This is turning into a long blog.
Mc Chris just told me he may have to make a peanut butter and waffle sandwich.
Then he noticed my cool bean tattoo and we had a hearty chuckle.

Fare thee well for now. Sayreville NJ tomorrow. Poodle and Mike Dubin. yay.

And it wouldnt be a blog entry without some sappy lyrics to show you where my mind is at...

" A Long Time Coming " - Anthony Green
Things start slowing down for you and I.
It's been a long time coming.
If you keep holding onto what we've lost.
You're gonna drag down the road behind us.

I never wanted it to feel like this, to be this way.
I'm just afraid that if you stay we'll never change.
Well I never wanted it to feel like this, to feel this way.

I'm just afraid that if you stay...


Things start slowing down for you and I.
It's been a long, long, long, long time...
If you keep holding onto what we've lost.
You're gonna drag down the road behind us.

I never wanted it to feel like this, to be this way.
I'm just afraid that if you stay we'll never ever change.
Well I never wanted it to be like this, to feel this way.
I'm just afraid that if you stay, you'll hate me.

Mc Chris



James Dewees



Race, Tour manager, sound guy, best dude.



Samurai Rob

My teeth. They were crumbling in my hands.

Last night i had a plethora of odd dreams, and as i was sitting here, i remembered that i had one of these " teeth falling out" dreams. Last night i dreampt that one specific tooth, that i chipped back in college, and never got it fixed, fell out and i held onto it and showed my friends, crying to them, telling them my teeth were falling out, and when i picked up the tooth to show them, it would crumble in my hands. I have these every once in a while and never looked into what they meant...here is an explanation from Dreammoods.com:

"Dreams that your teeth are falling out are the most common dreams we here at Dream Moods receive. Common dream scenarios include having your teeth crumbling in your hands or your teeth falling out one by one with just a light tap.Such dreams are not only horrifying and shocking, but often leaves the dreamer with a lasting image of the dream. So what does it mean?

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion."


yea, so that explains a lot. Odd how random things like this can hit the nail on the head.

Pittsburgh?!

Who knew you could actually have fun in Pittsburgh? Show tonight at CLub Diesel was awesome then, well,this happened:

" So Come Back, I Am Waiting"

i want to take a minute to do one of those completely inspired, emotional rambling posts that i haven't done in a while. Its 4:24am EST and im laying in my bunk on the bus. It could be a combination of the heating pad,tucked away under my Cancer Bats hoodie, turned on high to relieve my rib pain and the painkiller i took earlier, and the poor ventilation in this small box...the closest i can come to privacy, but my mind has been telling me to write...something.

I can say i now what i want to write down and get a point across. But its a blog. Its the internet. This can never really hit anyone harder than it does myself, because i never direct anything i say in these post at anyone in particular. If someone reads a certain section and thinks its about them...well, it most likely is. Doing this just gives me a feeling of venting to a psychiatrist, something that has been suggested i do by multiple people in the recent months.

See, i guess i gotta start seeing my life as something that moves in a forward motion. There is no stopping this movement. Things can interfere and possibly send it in different directions, but there is no way of going back to any point in which you would like to. If you screw something up, if you regret a decision you've made or just plain want to take something back...you can't. I feel as if i dwell on the past, and these moments that i want to fix after i see and feel their consequences. Its bad for me too because im a helper. Im the guy that wants everyone to be happy no matter what. I rarely put myself before others, and for some reason, the few times i have done that, its come back to kick my teeth in, and give me a reminder that i screwed up.

Its crazy. If my past 2 years of my life were a choose your own adventure, id totally want to go back and re choose every decision. But, doing so would leave me with not meeting the people that have changed my life forever, and i wouldn't have the memories and feelings i thought id never have.

Relationships come and go. Friends come and go. Happiness is something that just when you think you've got it, it may slip away and you have to run after it again and again.
Dont get me wrong. Im "happy" being on tour with some great friends and playing music every night and people, complete strangers, coming up to me telling me how happy our show made them, and shaking my hand. Thats incredible to me. It always amazes me the impact of something that i do can make someone so happy. It always takes me off guard when that person walks up to me while im cleaning up my gear and just is like, " you were so amazing tonight, this was the best ime ive ever had, thank YOU so much." I always kinda get flustered, but still give a big smile, thank you and ha handshake or hug. This does make me happy, but it always comes to an end. Just as i start feeling in tune with the schedule, and the performance, it ends up being over. It seems like thats every aspect of my life as of late. I want something constant. I had consistency in California, sort of, but other factors made it difficult to feel like i was wanted as a constant.

It seems as if the relationships i make with people start off well, and just kind of level out to a point where someone isnt happy with something. I just dont know why it never works out with me. What more do i have to do or say to make someone realize im there to make them happy and not going to change. If you want someone in your life, you gotta act like it. I believe i do that. And if things arent meant to be, then usually, im the one getting the "we should talk" from the other party. Am i too blind to see my own shortcomings? I guess we all are, thats why they are our faults, because if we could fix them, everyone would be perfect, and what fun would that be?

I owe a lot of people apologies for actions or situations that have ended in not so good terms. I think this is just a realization that i deal with from day to day and really cant do anything about it. I think back to every love lost, and every friend i haven't talked to in years, and feel like i owe them all something. I never mean for things to work out in a bad way. Im sorry.

Ive been thinking lately about 2nd chances and what it takes for people to give another person a 2nd chance. Do you ask the person for one? Do you hint at it? Do you sit around and wait for it to come to you? All i know is that i've been hoping for that moment of "hey, lets try it again..." but it has yet to come...and i doubt it will at any point soon. But i am NOT going to give up hope.

I am the definition of Hopeless.

If you are reading this and are clueless, i apologize. If you are reading this and feel like asking me more, feel free to. Just like i said in the beginning, if you think its about you, it most likely is. And i know some people out there read this that im not on the best terms with, or may have a problem with me in SOME way, so realize that im fully aware that you are reading this. Im not hiding anything. I have feelings and emotions about people that will not go away. I also am over dealing with dramatic actions that have no bearing on me or anyone else. Sometimes i gotta let it out. No one will listen. And those that would listen aren't next to me at night anymore, so this is the only way i can speak my mind and get a somewhat good nights rest.

Thanks for reading. I miss you.

Detroit rock city.

I hate Kiss. But if it werent for Kiss, Slipknot would have been laughed right outta the music industry, so, i guess i gotta give it to them. But, Gene Simmons is a complete tool. Guy has his own "scent" available at...Wal- Mart. Real classy Gene.
Anyway. Today we are in Detroit. Hanging out at the Magic Stick. Jeff Sanchez and his bum leg are here. Its always good to see him. So far we have talked about old horror movies and what the best Cannibal Corpse record are. ( in case you were wondering, i go with the sinfully underrated "Wretched Spawn")
Last night was Chicago at the house of blues. playing HOB shows are always great. The staff, the sound system, the food...all top notch. Saw Cortez, Bob Bryar and Jake Raggio, all buddies from the MCR tour days. The show was a great one. I kinda gave it a little too much and am feeling a little sore and hurt today in the rib area, so i gotta take it easy. I feel better than i did a few days ago, but i still have a little bit to go.

10 more days left then back to figuring out what im gonna do, where im gonna live etc. That should be fun.

Sometimes i dont get the way people think. yea.

anyway, here are some pictures!
thanks for the emails also from the people who have came across this blog. I appreciate the support!

LEATHERMOUTH



MC CHRIS



RACE



MC CHRIS



DAY SHEET



LEATHERMOUTH



ROB



DAY OFF, PLAYING RISK. PARTY HARD!




SULLY



LOOKER. SO SERIOUS.

I'm Broken.

So, after the spill i took in SLO a few nights ago, i had been taking it easy and trying to not put any stress on my ribs. Well, after the show in Salt Lake City, i was on the bus eating a nice after show snack, and i got up to throw something away, and as i sat back down, a sudden feeling of stabbing, searing pain started pulsing through the area that had been hurting initially. I couldn't move, breathe, talk, nothing...it was rather scary. I immediately started crying because it hurt so bad. I grabbed Steve because he was sitting right next to me, and just held on because if i moved, it was horrible.
Anthony immediately grabbed a cab that was out front ( i didnt want to get too dramatic and get the ambulance and shit involved, as that stuff costs $$$) and we got driven to the University of Utah hospital Emergency Room.

we sat there for about 2 and a half hours before i finally got seen by a doctor. She asked the basic questions and such, and suggested i get a chest x-ray to make sure the rib isnt going to interfere with my lungs. So, after a near passing out fit in the x-ray room ( i think a combination of not standing for 3 hours, the 2 percoset and the agonizing stabbing pain in my side, made me feel like throwing up all over the poor x-ray girl).
The doctor got the results of the x-ray back and says " well, chest x-rays are notoriously bad for not really showing rib fractures or breaks, but the good news is that nothing is near your lungs. So, from the amount of pain you are in, i'd say you have a fractured/broken rib that moved slightly when yo sat down earlier, to cause the stabbing pain. Stay in bed for a few days and take these pills...have a good night"

So, thats where im at. But im in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in a Days Inn for a day off.
Last night i didnt play the show in Denver, just to stay inactive and not risk hurting myself more.

Minneapolis tomorrow. I think ill be ok to play. Here are some more pictures of the past few days.

Fatty Fair Food from the 20th annual rib cook off in Reno Nevada




MC Chris loves video games:


New Oasis, Sparks, NV:




Vic Back!


Salt Lake City


Gus, Warships Merch Guy.


Race and Gus


Pizza from the Marquis Theater in Denver Half James Dewees(all meat and cheese), Half Rich Gaccione(no cheese and all veggies):